We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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