omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
