My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
