We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
