im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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