he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
