wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
