I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I still have a little drunk in my system
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
