she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just had sex on a roof
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
