Will you blow on my dice?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
