Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
