when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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