Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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