U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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