I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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