So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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