After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
