i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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