Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
