I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
