They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
