Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize