How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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