im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize