do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
