i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
