Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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