If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
