BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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