So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
