My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
