And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize