Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we're making bets on your personal life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize