I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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