Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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