Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
