is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
