Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
