Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
