She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
