Its about making memories worth repressing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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