I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
