my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
