i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
