So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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