I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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