Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
