i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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