no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
