Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
