his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
