my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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