dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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