I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
