You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
