Can i not drive my cunt home
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize