When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
