highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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