wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
