i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
