We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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