He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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