Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
