drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
