I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
