At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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