My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
