Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We got so high we made milksteak
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
