That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
