well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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