yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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