Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
from now on my penis is your penis
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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