I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
